Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I Want Mom Jeans

I'm sorry, but what is the deal with jeans?

I stood in my local farm and garden store just before Christmas with literally hundreds of jeans from various makers stacked in their little particle board cubicles all staring back at me. There they were, in a limited range of colors, shades of blue and black, pre-washed or extra-dark-rinsed according to current fashion and taste.

Mid-rise, low-rise, at-the-waist, just-below-the-waist, lower-on-the-waist.......good grief.  Slender cut, boot cut, straight leg, slightly flared. Slender stretch, classic fit, skinny jeans, petite, medium, long.

I know what I want.

I'm 53 years old.

And I'm a mom twice over.

I want Mom Jeans.

 Is that asking too much?  I don't care if 'Mom Jeans' are SO out of fashion, I really don't. I want jeans that have a zipper longer than two inches and I want the waistband to be at my WAIST and not a mere whisper above my netherlands.

I know, I know, I'm 53, soon to be 54 and sigh, I probably shouldn't be wearing jeans anymore, especially in the current shape I'm in, but I have worn jeans virtually all of my life and I'm not gonna stop now.  They are what I'm comfortable in and that's the end of the story.  I could never get used to sweat pants, it just ain't gonna happen.  Spandex, jeggings, capris, what-have-you are not my forte'.  I just want denim.  Five pockets, please, no rhinestones, or pocket flaps to make my dented derriere look even bigger, no bizarre washes or rinses that make them look white in certain areas and darker in others, I don't need trendy, I need comfort and utility.  I want a dark rinse, because, believe me, after a summer of weeding and throwing rocks around, they will be stressed. 

I was doing my Leslie Sansone walking workout this morning and one thing I found so refreshing was the fact that not all the people in her video are a Size 0.  There are some ladies my size (gasp) and that means a lot to me.  The larger ladies were all properly covered with workout pants and shirts that met them at the waist.  The majority of the skinnier chicks were, of course, wearing the cropped tank tops and the low-rise workout pants.  Good for them, though I really can't see how low-rise is comfortable, even for skinny chicks.   Fat or thin, I would be constantly tugging my pants up and my shirt down.  But that's me.  And you all know I'm weird. 

Who really likes the low-rise jeans?  I read somewhere (yes, I actually did an online search for the answer) that low-rise is supposed to make the torso look longer and leaner by giving the illusion of a longer waist.  Really?  Well, maybe, if you're built like a ten year old boy.  But if you're built like me (and I have more in common with a Mack Truck) then low-rise spells disaster.  I'd best be wearing a t-shirt that comes down to my ankles so there will be no involuntary sightings of non-appetizing culinary confections.

You know what I'm talking about. Love-handles AKA the dreaded Muffin Top.  Or in my case, more like a Loaf Top.  I think even the menfolk out there will agree there's such a thing as a woman showing too much cleavage.   However, pardon me, (ahem) butt cleavage is Really Not Cool.  With all the old jokes about plumber's butt, why does the fashion world purposely set out to make it a much more common sight?  I saw a young girl bend down in the grocery store the other day and halfway up she had to drop the canned goods to rescue her modesty.  She was close to full-frontal (and rear-al) disaster.

When I bend over, I want my jeans to have my back side fully covered, thank you very much.  I do this for you, the unsuspecting public.  No one wants to see that.

Go put some Mom Jeans on.

(My apologies to Leslie Sansone, this is SO not her video!) 


27 comments: said...

Karen --- this made me laugh out loud so hard!! If you only knew how bad my fashion sense actually is!!! I love my loose fitting clothes, never like tight clothes or anything revealing, especially with my own dented/dimpled body parts! My jeans are usually sagging a bit in a few places, but my non-existent waist line would not be anything but a big rubber tire if my jeans did not sit right on my body. Those low rise jeans are a disaster for me...Augh. I found my jeans at Dillards, the "mom" version and I love them. As for jeans, here in the South, they are a clothing staple to our wardrobe. Young and old alike wear their jeans everywhere. And I have a pair of overalls that I adore, especially when working our land. Anyway, you are so cute that your should be proud to wear your mom wear them well!!!

Thanks for making me laugh today!! Being back in the city from being in the country the past few days has been a bit despressing and you (along with that hysterical video) made me crack up fully!


Toni - Signature Gardens said...

That video is hilarious!!!!!!! Thanks for a good laugh :-)
Well, I must confess, I do like low waist jeans, pants. I have some regular high waist jeans and I put them on the other day and they were so uncomfortable! And they are making tops longer now so they work with the low waist pants. They are just so much more comfortable to me. It took me a while to switch over, but once I did, I hope I never go back to high waist jeans/pants. I prefer cargo pants over jeans down here because they are lighter weight and have so many pockets for whatever. My complaint is not the waist so much as the skinny legs! I prefer wide legs so I can move. Have you ever heard of Duluth Trading Company, clothes for working women? It is THE BEST! They have some workin' jeans and pants you will like. They have longer tops. Check it out. I promise, it is right up your alley. I just discovered it recently. And most of the clothes in there are for your climate, too. Some of them are too heavy for my neck of the woods. I just got some tops from them, and I love that they are so nice and long so when I bend over with my low waist jeans, people don't get to see more than they bargained for.

Chad B said...

Okay, I'm a male in my 30s so I probably don't fit into the aimed-for demographic of this post but it made me laugh anyway. You're always entertaining, Karen!

Anonymous said...

Lol, that is brilliant. I live in my jeans and they are Mom Jeans all right. They keep my wobbly bits in check and as I have more roll than Sainsbury’s that is a good thing.
Well done for doing the workout. Mine's still in the box. Maybe tomorrow.

Beth said...

Hi Karen,
What a hoot! If you do wear mom jeans, just make sure they don't hit you at mid-calf as in the video. Have you tried Lands End? I have gotten a lot of casual clothes, including jeans, from them over the years. I also like the brand "Ruff Hewn." Comfort is very important!
p.s. Your header photo is stunning!

Sandy said...

Moms jeans circa 1980... I had to laugh too! But, I so gave them up years ago because the new low rise, not hip huggers but just on the hip does not show that 'roll' we older women get as much as those tight fitting waist bands from the 80's... I also want my seat to fit not bag... your post is so funny!
Stay warm there!

Charade said...

I can't decide if I'm crying because your post is oh-too-applicable or because that video is oh-too-funny. I have over a decade on you, and I'm sorry to say I still haven't found a pair of jeans to hide my front-butt.

I found you by way of Lana at FarmLifeLessons, and I'm so glad I did. I'll be searching your archives for more about your gorgeous quarry garden!

Sall's Country Life said...

OMG, now that was a disturbing video!
FUNNY, but disturbing! Having never born any children, I have no excuse for needing Mom jeans. I totally hear you on the whole shopping for jeans experience. Those 80's jeans were simple and sexy THEN, what happened??
I plum refuse to give into the whole rhinestone and bizarre fade jobs...
my husband's discarded old jeans suit me just fine for farmin!! Broke in, comfy, and free...that's my style!
Loved this post,friend!!!

HolleyGarden said...

I can't get into the low rise, either. Stuff hangs over, can't keep them up - and why does everything have to have spandex in it? Is there some sort of spandex police around making everyone put it in their clothes? I wear my jeans when I'm going to 'town', but am very uncomfortable. The first second I'm home, off they go. Wish I could find some that actually were comfortable, like in the old days. I could wear jeans to bed back then! Of course, I did have a different figure then. But surely that wouldn't make that much difference, you think?

myomyohi said...

That video was bizarre and HILARIOUS.

My body uses low rise jeans like a garden trellis. Everything just sorta hangs over them. When I sit down my fat roll gets pinched, and my butt crack hangs out.

I do wear baggy sweats around the house, and in the yard when working, but not to town.

I so resemble this post, and BTW will be 54 within the next few weeks too.


Zoey said...

LOL, Karen.

I am a rare one because I don't like jeans much at all. I hardly ever wear them...too thick, too stiff........YUCK. Maybe I just have not found the right fit since old age/fat bod has set in.

Randy Emmitt said...

Fun video, now i know what mom jeans are.

Hey meg and I are signed up for stained glass classes in February.

Junebug said...

Lordy, lordy Karen! That video??? It made me laugh so hard. I sure hope you aren't looking for Mom Jeans like they had on. I am so picky about my jeans and they don't need to be all these fancy names like Heaven for all Mankind. Do you really think heaven is going to wrap my muffin top in? I want comfort plan and simple. Keep us posted when you find that comfy Mom Jean!

Alison said...

That video was absolutely hilarious, thanks for posting it! I used to wear mom jeans when I was just a little thinner, but they are just too uncomfortable for me right now, I like my stretch pants with an elastic waist. Some day I'll get back into jeans. When I do they will not be low-rise, I have never found them comfortable.

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.

Pam's English Garden said...

Dear Karen, You are to.o.o funny! I don't want jeans of any sort these days - just stretchy pants. But then I am considerably older than you. Thanks for the laugh. P. x

Anonymous said...

I just saw a commercial, or one of those info like commercials advertising jeans for older woman made of some kind of Lycra material that stretched over the butt like saran wrap. It was funny like the video, but they were actually selling them. Seriously folks, who wants to see that profile? I too have worn jeans my whole life and will continue to I am pretty sure as long as I can. They are like you want, durable but they are the same brand I always wore, Lee. But, NO mom jeans for me. Sorry Karen, I would feel like the guys in the video, as hilarious as the dancing was. I like my Lee's and they never could be called mom jeans, thank goodness.

Anonymous said...

karen, dont feel bad about wearing jeans, I'm 72 years old and all I wear is jeans. It takes a funeral or a wedding to get me into anything else..Maybe try Lee brand, they come up fairly high..Good Luck finding what you want..I enjoy your blog and your gardens...Forest in Central Texas

Anonymous said...
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Dragonfly Treasure said...

Amen sister!! Mom jeans only here too!
Loved the video! So funny!!!!

nursery furniture said...

So nice quarry garden also beautiful garden there are enjoyable place so that can be enjoy it in this place. Mostly are very like it.

Debbie@Debbie-Dabble and A Debbie-Dabble Christmas said...

I am so with you on this one!! I loved this post!! I am soon to be 54 also... may I ask when your birthday is???
I need to get in shape to be healthier. I could say i want to lose weight and if i do that would make me healthier too!

I want to thank you so much for your recent visit and your very kind and gracious comment. It truly brightened my day.

My word for 2012 is TIME and I am going to be working in 2012 to create more TIME for myself through organization. and better planning of my TIME.

Happy and Healthy New Year to you and yours!!


Darla said...

FUNNY stuff here, as usual Karen, you are a hoot to visit!!!!

Indie said...

So funny!
I used to wear low rise jeans (not the ultra-low ones, mind you), and wondered why anyone would want to wear such high-waisted jeans. Then I had kids. Now I don't dare wear anything lower than a mid-rise - I need extra material to hold all that tummy in!

Carol said...

I'm with you sister! I love my Gloria Vanderbilts. Just walk in Penny's pick up my size and $20 later I'm outta there! Sick of searching for tops that a decent woman will wear! They want stuff showing now days that is best left un-seen. Happy New Year! Carol

Lona said...

LOL! My Momma jeans are the elastic waist bend over kind. Who has time for zippers? LOL! I just bust them out anyway.

Jennifer@threedogsinagarden said...

Hi Karen, That is quite the video! LOL I sometimes think that clothing manufacturers think that because you are a little overweight you don't care about how you look. You don't have to be model thin to want to look great and be comfortable.

Rosemary said...

Again another laugh. I just bought a new pair of jeans for myself and Hey I am mid 60's never too old IMO.
I too had to struggle to find regular jeans... okay I did want short and dark anything to help give the illusion of slender...... regular waist perhaps with a bit of comfort stretch... to hide the muffin top. I was successful... thank goodness but so agree who in their right mind wants low rise...... maybe a 14 year old..