Saturday, January 26, 2013

Middle-Aged Women Don't Bounce, Part Deux

Yours truly did something really silly yet again.  Yep, I tried bouncing one more time.  When will I learn?
Ice is Slippery.

But first a recap of the events leading up to my latest trip:

On Thursday afternoon, our frigid weather finally broke and we were at 10 degrees above zero.  The dogs hadn't had a decent walk outside in two days so they were more than willing to have me put their little winter coats on (yes, I'm one of THOSE people) and headed out the door with doggie glee.

I was ultra-careful on this walk as there are scattered ice patches here, there, and everywhere since our January thaw.  Once we hit the deep-freeze this past week, the ice seems to have acquired a highly polished texture, absolutely treacherous for unsuspecting pedestrians be they animal or human.  Two of our hens were walking down the path the other day and first one and then the other went down on their feathery behinds.  The dogs have a hard time with their balance, too.  So I was very cautious, only picking spots that I knew weren't icy.

All went well, the dogs and I made our lap around the Back Eight in fine form.  Teddy was sniffing around under every tree for whatever it is dogs find so fascinating and Pudding was running back and forth on the trail like she always does, sometimes way in the lead and then coming back to me at top speed only to turn around and take the lead again.  She puts on double the miles Teddy does.  I clipped a pedometer to her little coat last year and found that she takes six steps to one of mine.  Of course, her legs are only four inches long.  Mine are a little longer than that.

On the way back from our walk,  I found a pop bottle lying in the field that must have blown in from somewhere.  I stuffed it in my pocket, intending to put it in the recycling bin.   As we walked by the chicken coop, I decided to see if the Girls wanted to come out and enjoy the sun, too.  We had put a heat lamp in the coop during the frigid weather and it has kept the temperatures from dropping too low, but I knew the chickens missed their freedom.  I opened the door and the hens came tumbling outside, clucking happily.   As long as I was there, I gathered the two eggs that had just been freshly laid and proceeded to the house to let the dogs in. 

I had the two eggs in my right hand and had to get the house keys out of my pocket with my left hand.   That's when I remembered I had the pop bottle in my pocket.  The recycling bin was right outside the garage door, so I got the keys and the bottle out at the same time and proceeded to toss the pop bottle in when feet went right out from under me.  A small patch of ice was my undoing.  I'd let my guard down.

I know it's a tired cliche, but It All Happened So Fast.  Unlike the hens with their feathery behinds, I didn't land as softly.  I wish the fall was on video, because it was a doozy.  Somehow I managed to hit my left knee, right elbow and right hip all on the stone pathway at the same time.  One second I'm standing on my two feet, trying to do my patriotic duty by recycling a recyclable and the next minute I'm lying on my driveway staring up at the sky with two worried dogs milling around me.  Groan.

Remember when I bought Mom that Freedom Alert monitor to wear around her neck?  Well, it appears I'll have to buy one for me, too.  I'll have to call my 92 year old mom to come rescue ME.  I apparently cannot be trusted to remain upright throughout an entire winter. 

 Ten years ago I broke my right wrist by slipping on the last remaining patch of ice in the state of Wisconsin in the spring of the year and ever since then, I've had a healthy respect for the stuff.  Ok, Fear  is the operative word. 

After lying there awhile, I toyed with the idea of getting up.  I didn't think anything was broken because nothing hurt as bad as my wrist had back in the day.  My hip hurt the worst, oh, that was really aching.  What the heck had I landed on?  (Besides a big hunk of limestone.) 

Just as I was gingerly hoisting myself up, testing if my appendages were all going to function normally, my cell phone rang.  It was my friend Ann, just calling to chat before she went to work. 

"Hi, how's your day going?" she asked.

"Oh, ok, I guess, I just fell down and now I'm getting back up," I said.  "Ouch."

Poor Ann, she knows me so well.  "OH, no!  Not again!  Are you ok?"

"I guess so," I muttered, moaning.  "I have to see if I can walk yet.  My hip is really hurting.  I'm just going to let the dogs in the house first....oh, wait....where are my keys?"

Apparently, when I slipped, I launched everything I'd had in my hands.  I found one of the smashed eggs about ten feet from the accident site.  Two of the hens were walking around the egg, looking disgusted.  They go through all that work, and I just throw their eggs around.  Surprisingly, the stupid pop bottle had made it into the recycling bin, but the keys were nowhere to be found.

 I hobbled around in circles, whining to Ann, and almost gave up when I finally spotted my keychain about thirty feet away behind one of the urns where they'd bounced off the garage door.   The other egg simply disappeared.  It's probably still in orbit, waiting for me to walk out of the house.  Splat.

 My hip was simply throbbing, and I realized something in my pocket had taken the brunt of my fall.



Yes, my pedometer.  Oh, what a sad day for us both.  I've had the thing since 2008 and it has faithfully recorded all my steps all these years.  It's one of those cool ones that allows me to upload data to my computer and keep records of all that walk, walk, walking with Leslie and on my own.  This poor unit is with me from the time I get up til the time I go to bed, keeping me honest about how much I really walked.  And how did I repay the favor?  By squishing it to death.  Awwwwww.

When the guys came home from work, Joel took the pedometer apart to see how badly it was wrecked.  Besides destroying the case and the LCD display, I even bent the battery inside the case.......sheesh, I REALLY need to lose more weight.   We hoped to be able to download the data stored on it, but alas, the entire unit was toast.  I only lost ten days of information, so no big deal, but it was like losing a friend, in a way.  Luckily, I had bought a new one just like it earlier this year, anticipating the old one would eventually quit working, so I'm back in business again with my step counting.  But I sure do feel bad about the old one.

I'm stiff and  sporting bruises in places best left unspoken of, but Leslie and I kept our date this morning, so I'm none the worse for wear.   When I broke my wrist, the doctor said I had really good bone density which meant my coordination is to blame, because when I fall, I don't mess around.  I Really Fall.  Hard.  Crash, bash and smash hard. 

I am going to dig around in the closet for the spring-things I clamp on my shoes to prevent slipping on ice.  I don't know why I didn't think about those things earlier this year.  Mom reminded me I own some; I gave her a pair a few years ago and she wears them all winter.   She said she'd lend me hers.....I said, "No, Mom, you keep yours.  But I may be asking to borrow your personal alarm button."

I have officially proven once and for all that this middle-aged woman does not bounce. 

Not even a little.

Let's hope this puts an end to my experiments.  

Wish my new pedometer luck. 


Sandy said...

I so love reading your posts. Yes, your right, we don't bounce.
Be careful will ya!

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Dear, dear Karen ~ You had already emailed me this but you've added some more humor to this painful episode of yours and it was another good read, well except for the fact that you hurt yourself. I'm glad to read that you're able to be up and around, just bruised and sore.

Love and hugs to you ~ FlowerLady

El Gaucho said...

Sorry to hear about your fall (and the demise of your technological friend the pedometer), but VERY glad to hear that you're OK. And kudos to you for sporting through the bumps/bruises/pain to keep working away with Leslie and keeping up with your exercising, very impressive. Do you feel you feel that since implementing your exercise regimen that you prevented this fall from being as bad?

We're big believers in the Yak-Trax things that you put on the bottom of your boots, Alycia's boots are all outfitted with them in order to keep her upright. I'm also getting anxious as I'm overdue for my annual winter spill, for some reason there's at least one tumble per year no matter how careful I am...I hope I didn't just jinx myself.

Beth said...

Karen, I'm so sorry about your fall and hoping the soreness is all gone by now. I remember when you fell down the stairs and injured your tailbone and that seemed to cause pain that persisted for a long time. Be careful!

Junebug said...

I really do feel bad that I am sitting here this morning laughing at your expense. You have a way with words that just cracks me up. I truly hope you are okay and it is so true about bouncing at our age. My daughter is always lecturing me about keeping my cell phone on me when I venture out!!! Stay safe and stay off that ice!!!Hugs!!

Lana said...

I'm thankful you weren't terribly injured! However, I think it is pretty amazing that you didn't land on one of those eggs. Amazing luck!


Alison said...

Oh Karen! I'm so sorry to hear that you fell again. Searching for those keys must have been the worst. One year back when we lived in Massachusetts, my husband dropped his keys while he was blowing snow off the driveway, and the blower picked them up and flung them we-knew-not-where. We found them in the middle of the yard in the spring.

I hope you're feeling better. Sorry you lost a friend (the pedometer). I can totally relate to your clumsiness and fear of falling. Good thing we're overweight, one of the dubious perks is that it gives us good bone density.

Lona said...

Oh my lands girl we are going to have to tie pillows to your bottom. LOL! Well I am glad you were not hurt too bad except for some bruises and the poor pedometer.
Now you take care and you have had your fall for this year so no more of that stuff.:)

Indie said...

Oh, dear! I'm glad you are okay after such a fall! We had an ice storm come through yesterday, and I was so wary I didn't even step foot outside today despite the kids wanting to get out. I didn't want to take my chances, since I knew they were bad!

Dragonfly Treasure said...

Oh no! So glad you weren't hurt more serously. Use those spikey things on your shoes every time! I remember when we lived in Kodiak, my oldest slipped ont the ice and sliced his hand it not only slippery it is SHARP! When he slipped he put his hands out to brace his fall and it just happened there was a jagged edge where he put one of his hands. From then on we all wore those uncomfortable things on our shoes.
We had to go to Elmendorf for my youngests eye surgery. We stayed in guest quarters while there. The buildings had icecycles that were so long. All during the night you could here glass was the icycles falling. I was scared to leave the building..One of those could kill someone! I always ran in and out...beating the "daggers" of course. LOL
Please be careful in that stuff you never know where a patch is, especially after it snows again. Mother Nature is a real prankster!! LOL

Rosemary said...

Karen you can make a fall a fun read tho it wasn't for you........ take care and get those springy things out.

HolleyGarden said...

Karen! You've got to quit falling! So sorry about the pedometer, but I'm glad YOU didn't get broken! Could have been so much worse! We have ice so rarely here, I forget how hard it is to walk on. I always thought that I just didn't know how because I lived in the South. I always thought people that had to deal with this stuff regularly had some trick to walking on it that I just didn't know. Now I know it's just hard and tricky for everyone.

Pamela Gordon said...

Oh Karen, I'm glad you weren't hurt too badly in your fall. It is really quite dangerous out with ice especially when it's hiding under the snow. Take care and wear your ice grippers.

africanaussie said...

Oh so sorry you had a fall, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to walk on ice.